Jack: What is your contingency plan for a crap storm of this magnitude?

Liz Lemon: Okay, very funny. You bought a pager from Dennis. Will you take it off now, please?
Jack:  Oh, I can’t. I’m expecting a call from 1983.

Tracy [angry at being called "Normal" in a magazine]: That’s character assassination! That’s not normal! It only looks like I’m walking out of a Starbucks when actually I’m doing the robot going backwards into a Starbucks! And I don’t even know who dog that is. Yes, I steal dogs!

Dennis: Dennis Duffy, Beeper King.
Jack: That’s a sharp tie you’ve got there Dennis.
Dennis: That douchebag up front made me wear it.
Jack: Does he know you’re the Beeper King?
Dennis: I don’t think so.
Liz: This is clearly the nicest restaurant we’ve ever been to.
Dennis: Hold on a second, this place ain’t that nice, alright. It’s got rats and roaches like every other restaurant.
Liz: No rat talk tonight, okay.
Dennis: (to Jack) You know there are 17 million rats per person in Manhattan? You eat a pound of rat crap every year without even knowing it.
Jack: I think I read about that in The New Yorker. (pause) Um, anyway, we’ll leave you two to your meal. I hope you enjoy the choices that you’ve made.

Jenna: You’re back with Dennis?
Liz: I’m back with Dennis.
(Jenna gives Liz a look.)
Liz: Don’t look at me with your eyebrows all up, it’s so annoying.
Jenna: Oh, yes, I’m annoying. Not the man who honked your boobs on the Jumbo Screen
Liz: That was before, and it was the playoffs.

Jenna: What’s too old?
Jack: That’s a very good question. How old are you?
Jenna: I’m 29.
Jack: What year were you born?
Jenna: 1977.
Jack: When did you graduate high school?
Jenna: ‘94.
Jack: When do you turn 40?
Jenna: 2017.
Jack: Junior high crush?
Jenna: Kirk Cameron.
Jack: Prom theme?
Jenna: “Motown Philly” Boyz II Men.
Jack: What movie did you lose your virginity to?
Jenna: Arachnophobia.
Jack: Theater or drive in?
Jenna: (hesitates and plays dumb) What’s a drive in?
Jack: Of course. I don’t know why I bothered to ask. I can tell just from your physical appearance that you’re obviously … 29.

Frank: Sounds like someone loves Liz Taylor.
Josh: I do.
Toofer: No, I think he means that you looove Liz Taylor.
Josh: I do.
Frank: So if Liz Taylor was here right now you would have sex with her.
Josh: I would.

Tracy: Without my street cred I’m Wayne Brady.
Liz: Wayne Brady has three Emmys. You have a people’s choice award which you stole from Wayne Brady.

This article was posted on Saturday, May 26th, 2007 at 12:39 pm by Burr and is filed under the category Quotes. You can follow any responses to this article through the RSS 2.0 feed.