Jenna Maroney: THE “The Hair?”

Jack: This year I’ll be a page for a day, and you’ll be my boss.
Kenneth: Thank you, sir.
Jack: That’s how the “Bottoms-Up” program works. I’m going to be your bottom Kenneth, and I want you to ride me as hard as you can.

Kenneth: …more than jazz or musical theatre or morbid obesity, television is the true American art form. Think of all the shared experiences television has provided for us; from the moon landing to the Golden Girls finale; from Walter Cronkite denouncing Vietnam to Oprah putting that trash bag of fat in the wagon…

Jack (to Jonathan): What do you think sounds like the better idea — a talk show without a host, just the voice of the dead lady from “Desperate Housewives”; or a reality show with a lot of super hot nannies who move into a house and help fat kids lose weight? Never mind, this television programming stuff is just one unpredictable ass-ache and I want you to get it out of here!

Gray: Did you get home okay last night?
Liz: Yeah. Thank you for convincing me to go back to the party, it was fun. Although I ate way too much oxygen.
Gray: Yeah, you actually got a little oxygen right there on your coat. (brushes Liz’s coat)

Jack: Kenneth, you and I actually have a lot in common. We’re both hard workers. When I was your age, it was putting myself through college in Boston. Paddling Swan boats for the tourists.
Kenneth: Is that a euphemism for some kind of sex worker?

Waiter: The hors d’oeuvres today are boxes of pure oxygen infused with a saffron and a white truffle oil.
(Lemon opens empty box)

Liz: Something is wrong, I’ve upset the natural balance of things.
Jack: Good morning ladies, I’m making a coffee run, would either of you care for anything?
(Silence)
Jack (writing in his book): Liz and Jenna. Nothing.

This article was posted on Saturday, May 26th, 2007 at 1:08 pm by Burr and is filed under the category Quotes. You can follow any responses to this article through the RSS 2.0 feed.