Don Geiss: As my old man always said, “If you try, you win.” And he was a hell of a garbage man.

Frank: Hey, what’s wrong with you?
Liz: What?
Frank: Your face. It’s like you’re happy or something.

Liz: Look at your life Jack, it’s like this skybox. It’s fancy, it’s empty and it smells like crab-cakes.
Floyd: So, where’s Pete?
Liz: He took his kids to that Russian cat circus.

Floyd: On a personal note, sir, in my mind, the Foo Fighter’s song “Best of You” is about your managerial skills.
Jack: Lemon, I want to kiss your boyfriend on the mouth.
Floyd: Chapter 12!

Liz: I hope this isn’t too boring for you.
Floyd: Are you kidding? Jack Donaghy is a legend. I’ve read his book like 20 times.
Liz: Jack wrote a book?
Floyd: Yeah. ‘Jack Attack: The Art of Aggression in Business’.

Tracy: Liz Lemon, you are my Alexander Hamilton.
Liz: I don’t know what that means.

Jack: I wish I were a horse. Strong, free. My chestnut haunches glistening in the sun.
Liz: Are you okay?
Jack: Hmm? Oh yeah, sure.

(more…)

Kenneth: So Mr. Donaghy what can I do for you?
Jack: I heard you were talking to my colleague, Devon Banks. Did he tell you why he was in New York?
Kenneth: No sir, we just talked about Anderson Cooper mostly.
Jack: You should get to know Devon, tell him all of your television ideas. You know, he started of as page, just like you.
Kenneth: Really? So did I!
Jack: You say the right things, ask him the right questions, I’m sure he could open some doors for you.
Kenneth: Ok. What kinds of questions?
Jack: I’ll write them down for you. You call him - tell him you have two tickets for ‘A Chorus Line’ for tonight. Now, Kenneth, have you ever used bronzer?

Jack: Good God. Devon is gay. He’s even more powerful than I thought.
Liz: Maybe you should seduce him and get him to tell you all his secret plans.

Jack: I’m sure he’s here to dazzle the old men with webisode ideas, but I have ideas too, Lemon.
Liz: Like what?
Jack: Something big. A live television special with fireworks. They can do shapes now. One time, I saw a cowboy hat.

Jack: Banks is no slouch. He pioneered the concept of 10 second internet sitcoms.

(more…)

Liz: I’m going to go talk to some food about this.

Jenna: I’m so glad you asked! Kabbalah is a wonderful religion that mixes the fun part of Judaism with magic.
Tracy: So where do you worship?
Jenna: Where don’t you worship? My friend, Madonna…

Liz: (referring to making out in public) It’s only inappropriate when it’s ugly people.

Cerie: Hey Liz, you want to hang out tonight? ‘Cause you’re totally my role model. You make smart sexy.

Jack: I haven’t seen Eddie since I bailed him out of Disney jail.

Liz: I’ve never fired anybody in my life.
Jack: It’s an acquired skill. I’m not trying to make your life miserable, but this is coming from the top. Now, there are a hundred and forty people on the show, so go out and make hundred and twenty six people very happy.

Tracy: What’s your religion, Liz Lemon?
Liz: I pretty much just do what Oprah tells me.

(more…)

Kenneth: I’m sorry, this is a private party.
Ridikulous: We’re with Tracy Jordan.
Kenneth: Mr. Jordan himself said, “Don’t let no one in who’s not on the list because this mess is gonna get raw, like sushi. So haters to the left”.

Jack: Well, well, well Lemon. Steven’s a good man; he’s on partner track at Dewey, and he’s a Black.
Liz: A black?!? That is offensive.
Jack: No, no, that’s his last name: Steven Black. Great family.
Liz: Oh, yeah, of course.
Jack: They’re remarkable people, the Blacks; musical, very athletic, not very good swimmers. Again, I’m talking about the family. Black is African American, though.

Kenneth: [to Tracy] Didn’t you tell me to live every week like it’s Shark Week? And that nothing’s impossible except dinosaurs?

Ridikolus: Wait ’til I tell Tupac about this. [pauses]
Jack: I didn’t hear anything.

Tracy: [to Jack about his champagne] If you get rich off of this stuff, take care of my family. I don’t want my kids to have to go to college.

(more…)

Liz: Wow, this is an honor. I have a friend who is number four on Maxim’s list of “The Sexiest Women in Comedy.”
Jenna: Thanks. At first I was mad that Jessica Simpson was ahead of me, but then I saw The Dukes of Hazzard. Funny!

Jack: Lemon, I would like to teach you something. I would like to be Michelle Pfeiffer to your angry black kid who learns that poetry is just another way to rap.

Tracy: [speaking loudly to the television] Television on! Pornography!

Jenna: If the president is so serious about the war on terror, why doesn’t he hunt down and capture Barack Obama before he strikes again?

Liz: [asking about the liquid being applied to Jenna’s legs] What is that? Baby oil?
Jenna: Actually, they use salad dressing, because it gets a better sheen.

(more…)

Jack: Come on in, Tracy.
Tracy: Yo. Is this about that little red-headed intern? Cuz she asked me to take it out.

Liz: Hey Frank, wake up. You’re not allowed to sleep through the topical meeting.
Frank: Dude! I’m exhausted. I stayed up all night watching a Designing Women marathon. Yeah, at first I hated it. And then I liked it. Then I hated it again. Then I got horny, and then I fell asleep.

Lutz: Please don’t make me move back to Alaska, Liz. I hate it there.

Pete: Hey, can I borrow sixty bucks? I’m going to meet Frank and Lutz at ‘Scores’.

Tracy: This is what I do. I drop “truth bombs”.

Jack: What are you doing?
Tracy: Payback. The way you treated me. You used me.
Jack: God, its like dating Katie Couric all over again. I didn’t use you. I created a situation that could have been mutually beneficial and you blew it.

(more…)

Jack: I want back all the jewelry I ever bought you.
Bianca: Fine.
Jack: I want the art supplies I gave you on your fortieth birthday and any subsequent art projects you made with them.
Bianca: Fine.
Jack: I want all of our love letters.
Bianca: Fine.
Jack: I want all of your parents’ love letters.
Bianca: Fine.
Jack: I want full stake in the Arby’s franchise we bought outside of Telluride.
Bianca: Oh, dammit Johnny, you know I love my Big Beef and Cheddar!

Liz Lemon: [speaking on the telephone] Hi, my name is Liz Lemon and I received flowers from your shop tonight, and I can’t tell who they’re from… No, no, I did read the card, but it’s not signed… No, I’m not with so many men that it’s impossible for me to guess… Well, that is just… Oh, well, you know what? I found the card, actually, and they’re from your mom, so tell your gay mom I said thanks!

Tracy: Hells yes, Liz Lemon! And I had plans. Me and Angie rented the penthouse at the SoHo Grand where we will drink wine and pleasure each other.

(more…)