Here’s where we start with this week’s synopsis of “Retreat to Move Forward”: an explanation of Six Sigma, please. According to Wikipedia, it’s a business management strategy that “seeks to identify and remove the causes of defects and errors in manufacturing and business processes.”  In the uber-flawed worlds of “TGS” and Liz Lemon, Six Sigma is an anathema that can only cause more disruption.

Jack is delivering a keynote address at NBC’s Six Sigma corporate retreat and he is apprehensive about how he will be received. (“I haven’t seen a lot of these people since the CEO debacle and my time in the Bush administration.”)  Jack enlists Liz to help him get through his “camp jitters.” Begrudgingly, Liz accepts on the condition that they stay at a hotel with a spa where you are allowed to eat in the sauna because apparently at some places they get mad.

In the writer’s room, Jenna enters with an actor’s announcement: she got the Janis Joplin biopic gig (or the movie about Janet Joppler or Janie Jimplin, depending on how some legal issues pan out) and plans to use the method style of acting. She doesn’t plan on responding to anyone as Jenna, so the staff send her off with their final thoughts:

Frank: “Your hands are weird.”

Toofer: “I don’t think you went to high school.”

Cerie: “I’m not moving Friday. I just said I was.”

Frank urges Jenna to look at Wikipedia for updated tidbits about Janis Joplin’s life, so that she can be as close to the truth as possible in her portrayal. As Jenna draws the veil and reverts into character, Frank opens up his Macbook and begins editing the entry for the singer. His edits include the “fact” that Janis speed-walked everywhere and was afraid of toilets.

Tracy is back at Dr. Spaceman’s office, and the news is serious. Tracy at risk for diabetes and if he doesn’t take care of himself, he could lose a foot. Rolling around on a wheel like Rosie the Maid from “The Jetsons” isn’t a viable option because then, Dr. Spaceman advises, Tracy would have to register himself as a motor vehicle.

As Tracy mulls over his options, Jack and Liz have arrived at the retreat and Jack is psyching himself up in the mirror. Turns out that there was no reason for him to be embarrassed about being caught in the act; Liz does the same thing, albeit with a bit more cursing and self-loathing. Together the go to the first event and encounter the actual Six Sigmas: Teamwork, Insight, Brutality, Male Enhancement, Handshakefulness and Play Hard. Jack breaks the ice and is immediately embraced, leaving Liz on her own amidst a crowd of geeky MBA nerds who are M7s:

Prashant: “The finulus data suggest we should be leveraging disintermediation paradigms.”

Joan: “Well, obviously, the finular analysis will concur with any synergized mindshare classifications.”

Prashant: “Bladorian frankles.”

Back at the studio, Kenneth gives Tracy some medical advice:

Kenneth: “You can’t eat candy if you have diabetes.”

Tracy: “There is no link to diabetes and diet! It’s a white myth, like Larry Bird, or Colorado.”

Kenneth: It’s not a myth! Gentlemen, back me up here!”

DotCom: “I don’t know. My dad had diabetes and he ate anything he wanted, until he died the day I was born.”

Kenneth: “How do you not see the connection?”

Kenneth has seen too many folks back home die because of bad health or go carts, so he tries to scare Tracy with stories of the Hill Witch, a shriveled old shrew who tortures people who don’t eat their vegetables. Tracy is unconvinced and he rolls away on his foot-wheel, as Jenna (in Janis character) speed-walks up to Kenneth and tells him she needs some cherry juice, buttermilk and tequila to make her signature cocktail, “The Frankschlong.” She learned that from her Wikipedia page. Sounds awful.

It’s LUNCH time at the Six Sigma retreat, and Jack invites Liz to join. Except at this lunch, no food is being served. LUNCH is actually the Lego Utilization For Negating Crisis Hierarchies. “A competitive team-building exercise where one person directs his teammates in the construction of a Lego model that only he can see.” Liz is a winner when it comes to taking Jack’s instruction and building Lego models, but she’s completely deficient in the areas of Six Sigma-ness, embarrassing Jack in front of his colleagues.

Frank brings an abrupt end to Jenna’s method acting — just as she finishes the Cuervo and starts to eat a cat, as Wikipedia said Janis Joplin did. He fesses up to editing the entry on the singer, not thinking she would take everything so seriously. But Jenna is serious. She’s after an Oscar award and Janis Joplin is her ticket to the Kodak Theater. Jenna’s commitment to the role and her anger towards Frank gets him all worked up. Drunk Jenna + Frank’s soft spot for damaged goods = a one night stand that will forever live in infamy.  The next day, everyone’s feeling regret, especially Jenna, who had to take the “Silkwood” shower in the morning. But Frank’s insistence that they keep the night before on the Q-T makes Jenna ask questions. Why isn’t Frank boasting about the best night of his life? Why is he acting all embarrassed? It turns out that Frank is just as mortified about his stupid, stupid behavior as Jenna is. This makes her mad.

Meanwhile, Jack’s getting ready for his big keynote but he’s got to clear up a few things with Liz first, which plays on her insecurities:

Jack: “While we’re here I need you to call me Mr. Donaghy.”

Liz: “I get it. You brought me here in case you needed me but now that you’ve got your cool Six Sigma friends, I can go back to the lake with the fat kids and make bracelets.”

Jack: “Lemon, you know how important this is to me! I’ve got my speech tonight.”

Liz: “Yeah, don’t worry, I get boundaries. ‘Oh, sorry, Liz. My parents’ basement has room for only five sleeping bags,’ or, ‘No, I’ll come over after prom and we’ll make nachos together.”

Jack: “Lemon, this is a part of our problem. I give you a simple managerial suggestion in a professional context and I get back the second half of a Judy Blume novel.”

Liz and Jack part ways on bad terms. Back at the studio, the truth about the one night stand comes out (“Now Dog the Bounty is the second-grossest guy I’ve been with”). Jenna can no longer take Frank’s non-chalant attitude about their hook-up. The other writers are grossed out and Frank is scared. It turns out that when earlier he said he had “several irons in the fire,” he meant that he was sleeping around with other staff at the show. Like the hairstylist, who claims that Frank is hers, and the old Eastern European cleaning lady. Hell breaks loose and Jenna, with her scalp burning and her golden locks now tainted grayish-blue, leaves the hair and make-up room screaming… looking sort of like the Hell Witch. She happens upon Tracy and Kenneth and scares them into eating their vegetables. Tracy learns his lesson and we hope he takes better care of his diabetes.

We’re back at the Six Sigma retreat and Jack is miked-up and ready for his keynote. He’s in front of the mirror doing his motivational exercises again, but everyone in the ballroom can hear him. The mike is turned on! Liz runs to save Jack and he ends up on the floor, literally. He’s retreated back to that dark place called humiliation. Liz realizes she must do something to save her friend. She runs back into the ballroom and jumps onto the stage. She works her improvisational skills (“I got nothing”). We see excellent impersonations of the Sling Blade guy, and the mom from “Happy Days,” but Jack’s bathroom flub is still on people’s minds. What can she do to distract them permanently? Dance, sing and strip, of course! The flash of Liz’s neon white Playtex bra and her white girl hip hop moves leaves the audience aghast.

Back in New York, Jack reputation is saved and he is grateful to Liz, who says, “That’s what friends do, Jack, a-duh!” And, scene!

Quick guest star update: we already know about the three-episode arc with Jon Hamm playing Liz’s neighbor and boyfriend, but there was some other exciting guest star news this week about the actress who will be portraying Frank’s mom. It’s Broadway star Patti LuPone! Stay tuned for her appearance in a future episode.

This article was posted on Friday, January 23rd, 2009 at 6:18 pm by Sakura and is filed under the category Cast News, Episodes, Quotes. You can follow any responses to this article through the RSS 2.0 feed.